Tomfoolery
by Thorn In Your Side
Summary: The rookie nin and Team Gai get what's been coming to them. Total crack fic.


**Tomfoolery**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!**

**A/N: Crack! I can write crack, sweet lord, it's a September miracle! **

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

"Gai-sensei!" Lee yelled with all the vigor of YOUTH, "Show me the way to Sakura-san's heart!"

"YOSH, Lee!" his green clad sensei exclaimed, striking a pose, "You must go down the path of righteousness, take a left at the intersection of youth, and then a right at the T-turn of true love, and then continue in that direction for several hectares!"

Neji rolled his eyes beautifully. "Gai-sensei, you just gave him directions to McPhantom's Hummus restaurant."

"Oh, really? Well which way's Sakura's heart then?"

Tenten tittered. (Alliteration is fun, innit?) "I think it's still with Sasuke, but if not you'll probably find it in her chest."

Lee blushed with all the coyness of YOUTH. "As in her breasts? Oh, Tenten, you're so youthfully perverted!"

"That's perverted?" Tenten muttered, "Yeah, you should see how Neji _**really **_uses his byakugan."

"Hey!" the Hyuuga genius sniped, " You promised you wouldn't tell anyone about that!"

"Neji, do you really think they're _**listening?**_"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"**  
**"GAI-SENSEI!!"

"LEEEE!!"

"Let's ditch this joint," Tenten told Neji.

"I don't know about that, but we're definitely getting out of here."

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MEANWHILE, AT MCPHANTOM'S HUMMUS RESTAURANT

"I said I wanted ramen!" Naruto shouted, "Not this shitty, tasty, diarrhea like substance!"

"Well," the Zohan shouted back, "What else do you get at a hummus restaurant? You don't mess with the Zohan, okay I am half Australian and half Mt. Everest!"

Sakura tugged at her teammate's sleeves. "Naruto, this isn't the ramen stand, let's get outta here!"

"Can I get a refund?!" the blond demanded.

"No, you schnitzel!"

"Sakura-chan, he made a swear!"

"I don't give a fuck, baka!"

Kakashi entered the place nonchalantly as ever, Icha, Icha in hand. "Yo guys, just wanted to let you know Sasuke's half dead body's been found in the remains of Orochimaru's lair…and he is most definitely pregnant."

"OMG LIEK NO WAY SASKAY KUUNNNNN I'MMA COMING!!"

Naruto and Kakashi watched in consternation as the rosette ran off in a cloud of bunny shaped dust. "If she was on the track team, we'd win gold every ninja Olympics," the Copy Nin sighed.

"What? No! Sakura-chan, I thought we had something special!!"

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"I feel like dancing!" Kiba exclaimed suddenly, striking the Point pose in the middle of the road. Shino ignored him and kept walking, and Hinata watched in horror as he began pelvic thrusting and gyrating in a manner that had not been seen since Shakira's last MTV performance.

"Uh, uh, move that body, uh, uh, rock that shit!"

Kurenai leapt to her favorite student's rescue. "NO! Shield your eyes, Hinata!" she screamed as she tackled the girl.

Shino got a creepy feeling and turned back to see his teammate _**disco dancing **_in the middle of street, and his teacher and other teammate in an awfully suspicious position on the road.

"That's it!" he snapped, "I'm changing my name to Tobi and joining the Akatsuki!"

And somewhere far away, Tobi woke up screaming in Deidara's bed, "Tobi is the only good boy in these parts, bitch!"

Back in Konohagakure, Kiba was still dancing, and no one was stopping him. "Ooh, ooh, ooh, baby I miss you!"

All in all, it was a bad day for Elvis Presley's music.

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"Great balls of fire!" Asuma stopped short in the middle of a mission, "My Kurenai-is-on-another-girl senses are tingling!"

Shikamaru took out another enemy with the Kage Nui, and glanced desperately towards his team. "Guys, a little help? This is waaaay too troublesome to handle by myself!"

"I said shut _**up **_Chouji, I don't think Sai is hotter than you! Now stop before I chip a nail and have to beat you up!" Ino hissed.

"You always go for the dark bishie types," her boyfriend accused, "First it was Sasuke, then it was Shikamaru, and now it's that gay artist!"

"That's it bitch, no one doubts my fidelity, you're going down!"

"Yeah, well you're going down TOWN!"

"You're going down IN down town!"

Shikamaru groaned. "Seriously guys, the trash talk is embarrassing. And can we please focus on the mission? Sensei got a hangnail!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!"

"I got a boo-boo," Asuma showed his team proudly.

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Suddenly, all writing/typing activities screeched to a sudden halt as the authoress was faced with an obscenely large man in a toga. "Have you seen my cat?" he demanded.

"Uh…she went that way?"

"To McPhantom's Hummus restaurant!? NOOOOOOO!!" he ran off in a lumbering gait, and the authoress, smelling a real life crack fic, took off in not so hot pursuit.

Hey, he was going like, a meter an hour.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x **

**I know. I'm a genius. I won't rub it in. **


End file.
